He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
