She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
