I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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