The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
