I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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