I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
