First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize