with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
