Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
