PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
