no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
