Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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