bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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