Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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