No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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