a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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