he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
