i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
