I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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