you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
