I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
