I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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