in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Randomize
