i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
