listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
