hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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