Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
