My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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