420 ftw
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
