I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
