oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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