there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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