We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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