Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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