sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
