He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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