I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
