Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
