I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize