You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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