I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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