I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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