I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
