lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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