my phone needs a breathalizer
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i drank out of a bidet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
