Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
