Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
