Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
