I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
