that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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