he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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