my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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