Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
