if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
