Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
