Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
