I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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