I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
