Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You can't motorboat a personality
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
only if we run a train.
done.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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