the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
