Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
