We won't sleep together?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Randomize