I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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