I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So much Jack, so little girl.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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