i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
