nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
