You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize