At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
