I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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