she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
