He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
