you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
