Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
